I've been feeling really spiritually sound lately so I thought I'd share that with you all.
It's been an interesting month.
My month started with news of the loss of my good friend. Perhaps one of the most unexpected deaths of my life thus far. I suppose death is mostly unexpected, but you never think you'll receive news of losing a friend who is the same age as you. Not when you're 27. And not when that person was a healthy and happy individual. It wakes you up.
All month, there have been obstacles thrown in my way, mostly financial. Unlike most instances where money is an issues, I've been in this place of sincere peace about my current financial situation.... I don't wonder anymore if and when I'll have enough money. I don't question if things are going to be alright... I know they are. Instead I take each day at a time. That's the only thing I can do.
I think the only reality of this life is that we are not in control of anything. And at any moment, everything we have, everything we've worked for, can be snatched up from underneath us and we could be left with nothing. For whatever reason that doesn't scare me... It calms me... It let's me know that everything is temporary. The good, the bad, the uncertainty... Is temporary.
I'm so motivated by that. If every instant, every moment, every experience is fleeting, than the only thing we can do is take that instant, moment, and experience for what it is. And make the best out of it.
I think we let our expectations get in the way of allowing ourselves to enjoy this life thoroughly. I see it all the time. We have expectations of our relationships, our careers, our passions... We want things to work and move a certain way, and then when they don't, we become disappointed at the outcome.
As of lately, I haven't been walking into anything with any expectations. Sure, I still have things I want to achieve, that doesn't change. But rather than putting expectations into something, I just put in the work. I know God will meet me where I need to be... The crazy thing is, because I don't have a particular expectation now, things have been exceeding what I would have normally expected lol. It's funny...
Life is soooooo short... We have to live with the attitude that all things will work out, or they won't, or we'll be so caught up in the idea of them "not working" that we'll fail to enjoy the positives in each situation we encounter.
You are the ruler of your own universe, your brain, your emotions, your actions. Other than that, you don't control shit, so don't try to. Life will throw you curveballs, tests, all kinds of obstacles... You can focus your energy on that, or you can choose to focus your energy on all of the wins. The progress you're making as a person, the closer you're getting to achieving your goals... How much less fearless you are than yesterday.. How much more experienced you are. How much more comfortable you're becoming with yourself... These are all of the beautiful things God gives us to celebrate our lives... But all in all, it requires faith. Faith in yourself, and faith in your God.
There was a time where I thought controlling my own universe meant I was in control of everything. I know better now. It means that I control how I perceive my universe.. My odds of succeeding at that are so much higher than anything else... So I breathe. I spend the first few moments of the morning in silence. I pray, I write... And then I start my day. This routine is what reminds me to stay balanced. That, I can never give up on. And when things "go wrong" I remind myself that I'm on purpose, which means everything else that happens is on purpose too. So how can I be mad at that?